Shameful Metaphors

So, I have some stuff to say...  I'm very very very very frustrated lately, and I don't know exactly why.  Probably a mixture of a lot of things.  First and foremost, I was planning a trip to the circus, and my friend Mi-Ke promised up and down that she would go with me, and she said that she was going to book the whole day, for just me, so that we could hang out, and nothing else would come up.  And naturally I was excited.  I was gonna ask Gurleen, maybe Jill, and definitely Joyce, and her girls, and Jesus, and Justin was possibly going to go too, with however many of his friends in tow. 

Well, the very next day after I asked Mi-Ke, she texted me saying that she couldn't go.  I was sooo mad.  I had asked her numerous times to make sure that she could go before I started counting on her to go, and she swore she'd go, and that nothing else would come up.  And then the very next day tells me she can't.  She didn't say that she had any previous engagements, just that she wasn't going to come...  I was so angry.  I'm still quite mad at her, which is a shame, since we have been friends for so long.  But I feel like, ever since she moved, she is not the same girl that I was friends with.  I know that people change, and grow and whatnot, but I feel like a persons general core values, and personality should stay the same.

She is becoming someone that I would not pursue a friendship with, and it's upsetting.  Like Artur.  He is someone that, if I had known when we met what I know now about his personality, I would not have been his friend.  He is always saying that he will do things, and then, instead of at least letting me know beforehand that he can't, he waits for me to call or text him and ask, before feeding me some lame ass excuse as to why he can't.  Like, if you don't wanna hang out, then just tell me!  And if he doesn't agree, and then cancel later, he just ignores me all together.  I hate it.  Stupid jerk.  I'm thinking of deleting him from both my phone, and my facebook.  What is the point of friends, who are not your friend?  I certainly don't see it.

And Jill has also been getting on my nerves lately.  She always seems to be judging me.  And I do genuinely like Jill as a person, and I feel like she could balance me out very well, but she's not lately.  She is just making me more angry.  By no means do I want to end the friendship, but I would like to feel like I can talk to her about my general thoughts without her judging me or telling me straigh out that I am wrong.  When something happens in her life, she reacts to it, and I never judge her reaction.  As her friend, it's not my job to judge her, but to support her instead.  Everytime I tell her about anything that happens between me and my other friends that leaves me unhappy, she just tells me that I am wrong, and that I need to get over it.

For example, what happened with Mi-Ke.  I told Jill that I was mad at her, and why.  And she told me that I should not get so upset when people cancel plans on me.  But it isn't that she cancelled.  It is that she promised up and down a freaking wall, that she would make sure that nothing would come up, so that she could go with me, and then told me she just wasn't going to.  That's what made me angry.  And Jill always says, "Vicky always cancels plans with me, but I don't get mad."  Well maybe if you got a little upset every now and then, Vicky wouldn't think it was ok to always cancel plans!!!  I'm sorry, but in my mind, if you tell someone that you will do something with them, ahead of time, then you should do it.  That's all there is to it. 

Like, last holiday season, Jill and I made plans to go to some stupid Hockey League game, and we had planned on it about a week in advance, and I was sooo excited to go, and instead of going with me, she decided to ruin her exes Christmas..  So she told me to meet her at her house, and that she would meet me there after she left Art's house.  I waited outside her apartment for almost an hour!  And she called me saying that she was at the bar.  I was livid.  I ended up going home.  I was so angry with her.  It's not ok for me, for you to do that to someone.  She could have at least given me more notice, than letting me wait at her apartment for an hour, outside, in my car, in shitty neighborhood, in the dead of winter, at 9 o'clock at night, just to call me and tell me she was still at the bar.  UGH!  Stupid.  It's not ok for me. 

And then, Josh's mom keeps commenting on my statuses and whatnot, and it's really starting to bother me.  The only reason she is even a friend on my facebook is because it was too mean for me to deleter her, knowing that she is Keira's other grandmother.  That's the only reason!  I don't post my statuses for her.  I post them for my friends.  She is not my friend, so I don't know why she thinks it's ok to comment on all my statuses!  I never comment on hers.  So she should grant me the same respect!  It's gotten to the point where I have to hide statuses from her when they are specifically for my friends.  Like when I posted the date that I wanted to go to the circus.  The last thing I need is her running to Josh, to report on my life! 

And on to Josh.  I have decided that he is not my friend.  And I am not his friend.  We have (not quite mutually) decided to not see Harry Potter together, as I don't want to be uncomfortable.  Like I told Jesus.  If Josh is not trying to convince me to sleep with him, then he is barely talking to me at all.  That is not what a friend is.  So, he said that it was fine if I saw it with someone else, as he can't force me to see it with him.  Which is very true.  I have decided instead to see it with Jesus, and Gurleen.  At two seperate times, probably. 

And also, another person who I am not quite sure is a friend to me, is Justin.  It seems to me that Justin only wants anything to do with me when I'm single.  And frankly, that sucks.  Who's to say I don't want friends when I am in a relationship??  It's ridiculous.  If he knows as well as I do, that there is no chemistry between us, then he should be just as willing to hang out with me when I have a boyfriend, as he seems to be when I don't.  However, plans with him, more often than not, fall through.  Regardless.  The fact remains the same.

And, onto a slightly less irritated direction, Keira ate watermelon over the weekend.  She absolutely loved it, and actually sucked out the juice.  :).  But I haven't been able to get her to roll again.

My mom has kinda stopped helping me with her lately, and I understand that she has been under the weather, and that Kevin doesn't really like it when she picks Keira up for me, but still..  Last week was 215 dollars for the baby sitter, and I'm scared that it will be that much again.  If it is, I'm going to have to start making more money, because I can't be spending 50% of my income on the baby sitter.  So if my mom can't help me anymore, I'd really love for her to tell me.  Maybe I can get a second job waiting tables Wednesday nights, and every other weekend.  OR something like that.  If anyone would be willing to let me work so few hours.  I don't want to spend any time working, that I could be spending with Keira, outside of my full time job.

I decided that, in June or July of 2011, I am going to try to get into on premise sales.  I think that I would be very good at that, and the money would be much better.  As well as the hours, I think.  Once I do that, my monetary situation should get better. 

Oh, and the link and title of this blog have nothing to do with my current emotional state.  Just a song I have stuck in my head, by Chevelle (Who I would LOVE to see in concert next month.  But I'm afraid to look at ticket prices.)

Anyways, until next time.